How To Send Your First Message To a Potential Mistress

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You’re probably on the verge of sending your first message to mistress. That’s the obvious point in using BDSM Dating, right? You might be experiencing anxiety over the matter. That’s completely natural. Sending your first message to a potential mistress is unlike any other dating site message you’ve ever sent.

Not only do you not want to lose the opportunity to submit to a femdom you’ve taken an admiration for, but that same submissive need holds you back from approaching her in any capacity.

Again, that’s all-natural.

Let’s examine the best initial approaches to a mistress & femdom.

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Use a Formal Tone When Reaching Out To a New Mistress

You’re looking to submit to a mistress. Things need to get off to the right start. If your mistress has a preference for how she wants to be referred, oblige her. If not, use “mistress” + her name.

Be formal. Be polite. And make sure there is an underlying submissive tone throughout your initial message.

Don’t Play Games With Your Mistress

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In a BDSM relationship, a submissive might deploy tactics that lead to punishment. A submissive often craves such scenarios as it is a driving factor in wanting a Femdom’s punishments. This might mean lying, or dropping a formal tone, or attempting to casually objectify her.

But your initial messages are not the right environment to begin role-playing desires. This is the time to establish who you are, what BDSM fetishes interest you, and how trustworthy/experienced you are.

It’s a time for your potential mistress to learn about you. As a femdom, she’s wanting to better understand how experienced you are and if you will be compliant with her rules.

Trying to bait her into a form of digital medium punishment is too aggressive in initial correspondence.

You Aren’t Her Only Slave, Act Like It

Don’t bog your potential mistress down with your life story. She doesn’t care. And she hardly has the time to read a novel from you.

While you don’t want to say too little, it is important to be concise and not waste her time.

Writing long-winded messages is a bit narcissistic and she probably won’t read it all.

You need to convey:

  • What you want from her
  • Your experience
  • Your submissive tone
  • Where you live, and where you’re willing to travel
  • What BDSM fetishes you desire

Again, your message should stick to the pertinent facts. If your femdom takes you on as a submissive, you’ll have all the time in the world to bore her with your life-story.

Give Yourself a Name

You’d be surprised by how many male-submissives forget this important detail.

Your mistress may choose to rename you at her discretion. But the initial outreach needs to include what your name is. You can use an alias or your real name. If you choose to use an alias, don’t make it a silly name.

No Dick Pics, No Sexual Shots…

Initializing contact with your mistress is not a time to send her pictures of your dick. Even though you might be hoping she’ll insult it and humiliate you, it’s not the time.

Dick pics waste her time and eventually, your time. This is because you’ll never earn her trust.

BDSM is all about trust. It’s about two or more people relying on some level of professionalism.

Adhere to Proper Grammar

I know, this seems silly.

But it’s not.

Your mistress wants to understand that you can follow rules. Also, you’re not some young punk trying to get his rocks off in an email or two. She needs to understand this.

Good grammar means concise writing. Avoid super-long sentences. Break up text into paragraphs.

Be Polite

At the end of the day, be polite. Again, your initial communications with a potential mistress are not the time for games. This is the time to earn her trust that you’ll pan out as a fruitful male-submissive.

She’s interviewing you. And it’s important to realize that her inbox is overloaded. So the moment it appears you are not polite, she’s going to drop communications with you.


As a male-submissive, the initial outreach to a potential mistress can make or break your opportunity. Read her bio in detail. Observe those details in your writing. If she states she prefers to be called a certain name or wants initial emails to be less than 10 sentences, you need to comply.

Your initial compliance serves a model for your future compliance. If it fails initially, it probably always fails.