How To Know If A Dominant Is Authentic

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No matter where you go for BDSM dating, disingenuous dominants find their way into your life. This is particularly true when you are new. Some fake dominants don’t even know they’re fake, they just hold such little understanding of BDSM dating that the experience feels authentic.

But a fake BDSM dominant can ruin a new submissive’s initial experiences. Fake BDSM dominants tend to taint experiences for BDSM newbies to a point that those newbies flee the scene.

We don’t want that happening. 

So we’ve created a guide to spotting fake dominants. I list all the traits you need to know to better your overall BDSM dating experience.

Why Would a BDSM Dominant Fake?

To put it simply: they want to get laid. They may also desire rough sex. Rough sex and BDSM dating just aren’t the same thing. Often, a normal guy looks at BDSM images and potentially gets turned on. They suddenly think they want it. They feel like they can fit into a community where getting laid is easy.

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But as we all know, BDSM is anything of the sort. It’s a community of people who desire a heightened, sophisticated and controlled sexual experience. The keyword is “controlled.” Images of BDSM often lead outsiders to see mayhem, which incites a sexual desire. But BDSM is all about control. A BDSM dating experience is much more controlled than random late night sex.

Here’s a list of personality traits by BDSM dominant fakers.

They Are Scathing, Unhinged

A BDSM dominant isn’t supposed to scream and yell. They aren’t supposed to rush you around in an impetuous manner. An authentic dominant is respectful and patient with your learning process. If a dominant is immediately rude, they are probably faking their role.

A real dominant wants the submissive to learn in a comfortable environment. Punishments should increase at comfortable levels, not instantaneous leaps and bounds.

Dominants Earn Titles

If within a few moments you are told that you’ll need to call them your master, they are probably faking their dominance.

A true dominant understands they need to earn your respect in the relationship. It’s not just assigned out of some random privilege. Sure, you met on a BDSM hookup site, but that doesn’t mean the dominant shouldn’t foster and grow the relationship. That means earning respect to a level that a dominant title shall be assigned.

When a dominant earns a “master” type title, it’s because YOU desire calling them such.

A dominant’s title is a result of trust and respect. Respect is earned through increased trust.

Dominants Demands Are Out of Touch

When unrealistic demands are made of the submissive, this is an indicator that the dominant is faking. When unrealistic demands aren’t met, the dominant becomes emotionally unhinged, angry.

In these cases, the dominant is setting the submissive up for failure because the desired result is more physical punishment and likely sex.

Punishments Are All Sexual of Nature

If every punishment involves a hardcore, deep-throat blowjob or a public handjob, or any other specific sexual act, it’s likely the dominant doesn’t care much for BDSM. In fact, in these cases, BDSM is a mere thoroughfare to sex – nothing more.

There is nothing wrong with mixing sex and punishment, but that’s more of an advanced BDSM experience.

The Dominant Becomes Obsessive, Controlling

Ah, isn’t a BDSM dominant supposed to obsess over you? The entire idea is control, no?

Of course. But if a dominant becomes a real-life stalker, that’s flat out unhealthy and potentially dangerous. You and your dominant should have expressed boundaries. If your dominant is stalking you on social media, upset by a guy commenting on your pictures, or getting angry that you went to dinner on a Friday night, you might have a problem. It depends on what the pre-established boundaries are.

Doesn’t Care About Your Limits

If you express limits only to have the dominant laugh them off, I’d suggest running for the hills. Limits and boundaries are the pillars of BDSM dating. Without them, it’s impossible to have an authentic BDSM experience.

This is a flat-out unsafe environment. If you sense the dominant you’re chatting with is not into your limits, avoid them. If they try to convince you that your limits are silly, super avoid them.

In BDSM dating, safety is the priority.

Manipulates You

Manipulation is an unhealthy sign in all relationships, this includes BDSM dating. If you feel the dominant is trying to manipulate you, they may be an unhealthy fit for you. A healthy BDSM dating experience excludes manipulation because it’s all about candor, honesty, and genuine communications.

Lacks Empathy, Remorse

A submissive not versed in beginner BDSM dating might mistake BDSM for abuse. This is a big problem. They are anything but the same. A fake dominant might leverage a BDSM newbie‘s unwitting approach to construct an emotionally and physically abusive relationship.

BDSM does not imply remorseless, unempathetic ways. A BDSM dominant has a very candid empathy for their pets, submissives, etc.

They Want Money

If a dominant ask you for money, flee the scene, disconnect the chat, block them forever. This is just a freeloader looking to scam you out of your hard-earned money.

In The End…

Fake dominants are only as successful as their subjects are unwitting. Proper BDSM education can help stave off such frustrations. But remember, most of the BDSM community is of the authentic type. And so long as you educate yourself, you shouldn’t have any trouble with your BDSM dating journey.