How To Find Your BDSM Fantasy Partner

bdsm fantasy

Finding the right partner in BDSM dating is critical. Not to marginalize traditional dating, but BDSM is not an area you want mishaps or miscommunications. Finding the right BDSM synergy and connection is essential in exploring your darker sexual side. And by “darker,” we of course mean, “exciting and fun.” Its the key to discovering a real BDSM fantasy.

So how does one find the right BDSM partner?

Let’s explore.

Your kinky match is out there, waiting for you. But the odds of you finding them is slim to none if you don’t follow some reasonable steps.

Decide Your BDSM Relationship Commitment Level

People new to the BDSM world tend to view BDSM dating through a flakey lense. In other words, they assume that BDSM dating, at its premise, is “bound” by short-term dating construct.

But this isn’t true.

Many people seek long-term BDSM dating relationships. Whether those have any romantic flare to them is unique to that relationship. The long-term aspect could be just physical, or include some romantic attributes.

So you need to decide if you are looking for BDSM flings, short-term relationships, or something more grounded in long-term relations. Because  this will be the main premise that drives everything involved in your BDSM search.

If you don’t know, or have always just assumed BDSM is short-term, it’s time to sit down and rethink things through.

If you aren’t sure, or are confused, or aren’t aware of your need want in this category, you’ll prompt confusion for others. Because the person you’re messaging for a BDSM experience probably does know what they want. They’ll expect the same from you.

Understand Your BDSM Fantasy: Dominant, Submissive, or Swing

bdsm fantasy

Believe it or not, some people new to BDSM don’t know themselves that well. Or, they are so desperate to break into BDSM that they just feel they’ll take what they find. They don’t really understand fully their BDSM fantasy.

That’s the wrong approach.

You need to understand if you are into dominating, submitting, or if you like it both ways.

If you like it both ways, it’s pretty easy. You can search for both submissives and dominants. That said, some people who swing also enjoy another person who swings for a more consolidated BDSM sex experience. So it can matter. This is because those who swing between dominant and submissive fantasies often get bored of being one way ot the other for too long a period of time.

But if you know you want to submit to a Femdom, you need to gear your search towards such with precision. For example, if you are into sissification, then you need to search for that on a specific level. Don’t just throw crap at a wall and take what you can get, you and your partner will end up sorely dissapointed.

Its tempting to expand a search by including BDSM sex acts you aren’t that into just to break in. But you won’t be happy when all said and done.

Work On Your Shyness

Pursuing a BDSM fantasy means putting your social reservations behind you. You’ll need energy and personality. Many people are shy and this creates a barrier for meeting new opportunities not just in BDSM, but in any dating or hookup scenario.

In BDSM, shyness is especially detrimental to finding a hookup. Because at its core, BDSM is reliant on heavy communication, not just to establish synergy, but to procure safety.

If you are shy, work on it. You can practice. That begins with self-authenticity. Write out, in private, what you enjoy about BDSM sex. Write the words down. Be open and honest. Don’t hold back. Continue to do this until you are comfortable with your BDSM wants, needs, and desires. If you have a close friend you can speak to about the subject, take advantage. You need to learn to be open about what you want. It’s absolutely critical.

Don’t think that shyness just lifts on its on. It requires work on your part. Do that work. There’s therapy as an option as well. Its OK to be shy, it’s normal in fact, but it can hurt your chances at getting a lot of things in life.

Expect Your BDSM Relationship To Involve Work

All relationships involve work. It doesn’t matter if you met the person on Fuck Book, Match, or BDSM Dating.

But BDSM contains extra layers that make it even more essential. Because BDSM involves consensual pain and restraints and verbal humiliation, it’s essential that partners work to establish intimate boundaries and synergy.

This isn’t, “Oh, I like spanking, let me find someone to spank me.” Its not that simple in BDSM.

It is incumbent on you to not only expect to do work, but to embrace it as part of the BDSM experience. Those who put in the work reap the rewards.

Your BDSM dating fantasies can come true, but you’ll need to maximize some efforts. Nothing just falls into your lap, particularly in a complex BDSM world.