How To Be a Submissive When You Are New To BDSM

how to become a submissive

What is a submissive and how to become a good submissive are two of our top questions from new BDSM dating members. Here are the answers.

Many people who join Free BDSM Dating do so with the intent to become a submissive. They’ve spent years masturbating to fantasies of women spanking them, but over time, their thoughts became more complex and lewd and sometimes, dark.

At some point, the BDSM fantasy of someone who enjoys a submissive sexual experience can no longer be met in the mainstream. Sure, at first, talking the girl you met at the bar into spanking you wasn’t so easy. But the true submissive experience is a tough swallow for most girls. While many traditional girls might enjoy a little dominant play, they will never evolve into a full dominatrix sex lifestyle.

For people seeking a BDSM submissive sexual lifestyle, they almost certainly need to begin by way of a BDSM dating site, or they must know someone already engaged in the BDSM community.

In your case, if you are completely new to BDSM and want to experience being a submissive, you’ll probably need to connect on a BDSM dating site.

But even with that, you need to research fully what being a submissive means. It’s not just spankings anymore.

So what does BDSM submissive lifestyle entail? How does one become a submissive and appease every wish of their dominatrix?

Let’s begin with the basics and grow our knowledge from there.

What Is a Submissive

What does submissive mean?

how to be a submissive

Submissive Meaning: A submissive is a person that turns over personal control to another person. The person in power is called the dominatrix. In both cases, each person experiences sexual gratification.

At the base level, a submissive sexual fantasy is far from unique or rare. Some research suggest that as many as 55% of us fantasize about some form of BDSM.

BDSM and submissive fantasies start off in more acceptable storylines. Usually, it’s biting and spanking and slapping and at times, dirty talk. But those with a real taste for BDSM tend to outgrow the normalized stuff in short order, particularly if they are partnered with someone who allows them to experience a taste.

Hand spanking becomes belt spanking. Dirty talk becomes humiliating commands. Bite marks become more and more frequent.

If you are craving a spanking from a girl in authority, like your manager or an older, accomplished woman, you might be into being a submissive.

Submissives enjoy being told what to do. They feel sexual gratification when they worship a girl for their looks. They essentially prefer to “submit” to the needs of another.

We focus mostly on men submitting to women in BDSM, but it’s certainly not always the case. But for our purposes, we stay the course because that’s a nice grip of who sign up for BDSM dating.

Why?

Because women have an easier time finding a man who wants to dominate them. But for men, it’s tricky. Asking a girl you are dating to bend you over her knee and spank you can end poorly.

You probably know that, because you’ve probably done it.

So what now? You know you enjoy powerful females and some pain. You are browsing our BDSM guides and learning about dominatrixes and submissives.

Is the lifestyle right for you?

How To Be a Good Submissive

Just because you enjoy some provocative commands and a spanking that puts you in your place occasionally doesn’t mean you are a perfect fit to serve a dominatrix as a submissive.

It only means you might be.

Here’s why.

The submissive lifestyle is formal. It’s not really a loose situation (pun intended).

No dominatrix on BDSM dating is looking to give a spanking and move on.

That said, it’s important to decide exactly what you like. Being a good submissive doesn’t mean you participate in domination you don’t want. I know that sounds counter-intuitive, but it is important to understand. Understanding how to be a good submissive is imperative to you and your dominatrix’s comfort and gratification.

Decide What You Like

So you need to decide what things you enjoy.

Here’s a good list to choose from:

  • Spanking: Hand, Belt, Paddles, Flogs, Wooden Spoons, etc.
  • Humiliation: Do you enjoy someone berating you? In what way?
  • Bondage: Do you want to be tied up? Restrained by wrist and feet? Do you fantasize about dungeons?
  • Chastity: Do you get off thinking about having a hot girl dancing over you while your dick is restrained from reaching full capacity?
  • Pain: This one is super important. You need to decide a pain level with everything. For example, if you want a dominatrix to spank you with a belt, do you want marks left? Just red, or more purple?

Join Free BDSM Dating to find your dominatrix today.

submissive spanked

When you figure out this type of stuff, it will make it easier to communicate with dominatrixes on BDSM Dating.

If you don’t know what you want, you can’t possibly find the right sexy dominatrix to fill your desires.

You will also need to decide if you plan to be a part-time submissive or full-time submissive.

I know what you are thinking, how could anyone be a full-time submissive?

Usually, that’s through digital means. The dominatrix text you to send a video, or put on a chastity, anything of that nature, and you do it. You must establish rules because clearly if you have a job, not all of your dominatrix requests can be met.

Part-time submissives are just that, part-time. They dedicate time slots to pleasing their dominatrixes.

Decide Limits and Understand Safe Words

Unlike the bar girl spanking you over your bed, a relationship with a dominatrix has heavier implications and needs to have some controls/limits in place.

submissive paddle

This is done through safe words.

What is a safe word?

It is any word that halts all activity and frees you from your devices.

Safe words often confuse a BDSM newbie.

Why not just say “stop or no more?”

Because typically, those reactive words are used by the submissive to carry on the fantasy.

So you establish safe words with your dominatrix that you use when you feel your limit is breached or getting too close for comfort. Safe words are usually oddball words, like “anniversary” or “lounge chair.” The word is a bit out of place so it stands out.

That said, your safe word is just one part of your BDSM safety and comfort plan. You need to establish your limits in a definitive way with your dominatrix.

If you dominatrix doesn’t want clear guidelines, avoid them. A seasoned, respectable dominatrix will want to establish exact guidelines on submission tactics and intensity. If they don’t want to do that, they are not for you.

Being a Submissive is Role Playing

It’s an odd statement, huh?

dominatrix punishment

But it’s important to establish right away. BDSM is role-playing. It’s a way to live out a sexual fantasy between two, sometimes more, people. But it is fantasy.

Some newbie submissives lose focus of this point. Maybe they feel depressed or callous over the dominatrixes’ humiliation tactics. It gets to the submissives head.

This usually happens because the submissive allowed the intensity to elevate more than they could handle at first.

Its important to always keep in mind that your role-playing a BDSM submissive.

The Submissive Dominatrix Relationship Will Grow

Don’t expect perfection when you meet you hold your first BDSM experience.

A submissive dominatrix relationship requires time to cultivate and prosper and evolve. That’s why you don’t typically switch dominatrixes too frequently at first.

That said, be patient and understanding as their will likely be bumps in the road, particularly when you are a new submissive.

Join Free BDSM Dating to find your dominatrix today.

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