Essential BDSM Tips For New Dominants

We often consider the idea of submitting yourself to a dominant as one of the most complicated, difficult endeavors in BDSM. And it’s true, serving a dominant certainly brings the struggle hard and fast. But what about becoming a dominant?

In BDSM, becoming a dominant is easier said than done. For many that swing (enjoy both submissive and dominant play), their first months becoming dominant were more difficult than their first months submitting themselves.

In BDSM, the dominant play roles confuse and confound in unexpected ways.

This means that many people are surprised by how tough ordering a submissive can be when they have no experience doing so. Often, their first BDSM dating encounter where they play the dominant goes, well, a bit awkward.

As a dominant, there are seemingly endless tools and acts to experiment with. And every submissive is a unique snowflake deserving of different punishments.

Here are some tips to help a new dominant take the helm.

Don’t Assume BDSM Dominant Play Is Easy

We’ve sort of discussed this already, so I won’t spend a ton of time on it. But the concept is important enough to warrant continued focus. The biggest downfall new dominants experience is surprise.

If you ask anyone new to BDSM if being a dominant or submissive is more difficult, they’ll say “submissive” near every time. But if you ask an experienced BDSM dater the same question, they will say “dominant” near every time.

bdsm dominant tips

The dominant, ironically, is the one with all the pressure. You must carry out punishments that fit the submissive. It’s not just choosing BDSM tools or acts, it’s how you walk, carry yourself, its your facial expressions and the tone of your voice. If any of that fails, you fail as a dominant.

You must understand and respect how complicated being a dominant is before acting on your impulses.

Understand What Your Submissive Wants

First and formost, understand the gravity of your role as a dominant. It is up to you to create and foster a safe BDSM playspace. Your dominance begins through emails, chats, texts, or phone. You extract, by way of authority, what the submissive will be OK with. You double and triple check your information. And you create a safe space that supports all of the submissive’s wishes.

Confusion in BDSM is the most unhealthy experience around. And you’re tasked with making sure no confusion exist. If any confusion arises, it’s your fault. You’re the dominant.

Communication and listening are the drivers that help foster a safe environment for both parties. Don’t allow your primal urges to obstruct your listening ears.

Practice Your Tone, Name-Calling, Etc.

bdsm dominant tips

If your submissive is OK with name calling, you’ll need to practice name-calling. I know how weird this sounds, but think of it like this.

No one, even experienced speech givers, pass on practicing important speeches. They rehearse in the mirror, or even in front of friends and family.

You must calibrate your tone and vibe and authoritativeness alone. Practice will make perfect. Even if your submissive doesn’t prefer humilation or name calling, you’ll still need to create an assertive, discipline oriented voice.

Just because you’ve had fantasies that won’t mean you’ll come out of the gates sounding powerful. Practice, practice, and then a little more practice. It may feel awkward at first, but trust me, it helps a ton. You want to shed the nervous voice before you enter the playroom.

Consider Light Dominant Acts At First

bdsm dominant tips

Your primal ambitions may cloud your inexperienced reality at first. Remember, you’re new to this. Deploying complex BDSM tools right out of the gates may backfire.

Instead, consider some simple acts of initial dominance to grease your BDSM groove.

Here are some quick ideas:

  • Force your submissive to give you an erotic massage
  • Use simple handcuffs to shackle your submissive to a bed post
  • Name call, humiliate

Don’t overcomplicate the playspace, instead, build up your dominance.

Establish Rules and Punishments

Make sure your mission in the BDSM space is clear and concise. Don’t overcomplicate anything. If/when rules are broken, expected punishments result.

Make sure you’ve established a plan with the submissive prior and stick to the plan. So long as safewords are understood, all should be fine and well.

Conclusion

Being a dominant in BDSM is more difficult than being a submissive. Yet many new dominants fail to realize this until they’ve already screwed up a first chance.

Practice your voice, name-calling, and tone, prior to any engagement. Understand that the responsibility to create a safe space falls directly on your shoulders.

Begin with light, easy BDSM punishments and commands. Allow you and your submissive to build up and evolve.

Being a dominant is rewarding, but only when taken serious.