BDSM Spanking: An Erotic Spanking Guide For Submissives, Dominants

bdsm erotic spanking

Some call it BDSM spanking, others erotic spanking. How you refer to it depends entirely on your needs and situation. Erotic spanking is part of the BDSM world, though sometimes this spawns confusion (we will break that down). BDSM spanking is a formal punishment geared towards a submissive or slave.

Let’s learn best practices for BDSM spanking and Erotic spanking.

BDSM Spanking vs. Erotic Spanking

Is there a difference between erotic spanking and BDSM spanking?

erotic bdsm housewife spanking

The truth is, no, not really. But also, it can depend on who you talk with.

Erotic spanking is technically part of BDSM. Meaning, BDSM spanking is really erotic spanking. It’s the same thing. The confusion comes into play when some non-BDSM folks utilize spanking as part of their sexual gratification. In those cases, spanking is more of a kinky fetish than a BDSM ¬†fetish.

In other words, all spanking is BDSM, but not all spanking couples are into BDSM.

Wow, that’s confusing.

Let’s use examples to clarify why things get hazy.

You’ve been dating Sarah for three months. You’re involved in a sexual relationship. Sarah is checking all the boxes that she likes things a little rougher. She’s told you so much. She invites you to grab her more firmly than what feels normal. She’s enjoyed the slaps on her ass.

So now, you’ve decided to fully spank Sarah. Meaning, not just during sex. Rather, when she comes home, you will explain to her that she insulted you via text earlier in the day. You’ll ask her to drop her pants and you will then bend her over your knee and give Sarah a good old fashioned hand spanking.

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That’s erotic spanking. It’s BDSM, sure. But you and Sarah aren’t really into the BDSM world. And maybe you never would be.

In this way, erotic spanking is a less formal version of BDSM. Sarah doesn’t consider you her master, and you don’t consider Sarah your slave.

A BDSM purist spanks in more advanced, dark, settings. For example, a BDSM spanking might include bondage, devices, and be more peppered with humiliation tactics. BDSM floggers might be used over hands and belts.

Here’s an example of a man using a bondage device to spank his submissive.

bdsm erotic spanking horse

You and Sarah might advance to belts and paddles. And at that point, you might decide that a full BDSM dating relationship is right for you.

In the end, BDSM spanking and erotic spanking are the same things. But sometimes the “erotic” describer diffuses full BDSM play.

At BDSM Dating, we get lots of newcomers who just want to find a girl (femdom) to spank them with their hands or a belt, maybe a paddle, but don’t want to be put on a leash or strapped by devices.

Many people identify spanking as a kink, not BDSM. It’s as simple as that. And it’s easy to get started with spanking because playful spanking is generally accepted as “normal.” But it also serves as a gateway into a BDSM spanking path.

Why We Love Spanking

Spanking is one of the most popular BDSM or kinky fetishes in sex. A LELO survey found that 7 out of 10 of its respondents were into some sort of BDSM play, and 8 out of 10 of those tried spanking.

Almost all BDSM beginners start with spanking. Erotic spanking, as it turns out, pleases the spankee. Theirs a natural high that can occur to a good firm spanking.

hand spanking

Also, spanking, whether initially just a kink or even in early BDSM dating play, requires no gadgets or devices. You can spank your girl with your hand.

For some couples, spanking is the end game and they won’t explore any other forms of BDSM. For others, its an entry into the world of BDSM.

Those being spanked often feel an erotic rush from the loss of power. Those who perform the spanking feel sexual arousal from the power. The power shift fuels sexual gratification on both ends.

Understand Your Erotic Spanking Turn Ons

If you want to involve yourself in an erotic spanking relationship, it’s important to understand why it turns you on. This helps you craft a proper BDSM spanking environment.

Some men like to be spanked, look no further than our BDSM femdom punishment guide to understand it’s popularity.

For men who enjoy being spanked, the real world is more challenging. What I mean is, it can be a risky business to tell the girl you took home from the bar that you’d enjoy a hand spanking.

This is why many men who enjoy being spanked sign up for BDSM Dating.

It’s a bit easier to find a regular girl who desires a spanking.

But in either case, understanding what you like helps instigate an erotic spanking relationship and maintain it.

Some people like being the spanker and the spankee. It’s an easier world for them, for the most part.

BDSM Spanking

Once you are sold on BDSM erotic spanking, you must craft a plan. Whether you use our site to connect with a BDSM single or femdom, or you go it on your own, you’ll need to come up with a plan.

Here’s some quick pointers:

Practice communicating your desires

Communication is an essential, yet challenging skill. Any skill deserves practice, that includes communication.

Communication is the very core of BDSM dating success. If there is any sexual environment that you don’t want confusion, it’s any form of BDSM.

So write out what you like in erotic BDSM spanking. Why you like it. And what you would be looking for in a BDSM spanking partner. Then practice talking about it alone. I know, that may feel weird, but I bet you get some sexual gratification out of it.

Decide Tone

Many people forget that erotic spanking is 80% mental. Because it is so outwardly physical, many people only plan for that physical. In other words, what spanking device with and how hard.

But the tone matters.

  • Why are you spanking her/him?
  • What role planning is happening?
  • What’s the desired sexual outcome? Will you both pleasure each other after? Do you masturbate on her ass? There’s a lot to consider. And it’s all-important to consider.
  • Will you be humiliating her? Or telling her that you hate having to spank her, but you must do what’s best for her.
  • Will your Femdom be sexy and captivating, or formal and authoritarian? Are you into being spanked by girls who are new to spanking and maybe feeble at first?

When you set the tone, you also unveil the erotic voice. If you take your girl and spank her over the table because she sent a text message you didn’t approve of, she might not enjoy it because she might be into other erotic spanking desires.

Some tones involve allowing the girl to choose how she gets spanked. For example, she can choose from 20 hand spanks, or 10 belt spankings, or 5 paddle spankings.

Spanking Pain Threshold

You need to understand what you or your partner desire from spanking. How much pain?

With BDSM spanking, pain is usually gauged by the result of the spanking. Is your girl OK with a red ass, or purple marks, or welts from a belt?

Your spanking device matters here. You can do a lot of ass damage with the hand. But a paddle is certainly a spanking device that can cause brutal pain in short order.

BDSM Spanking Devices

Unless you plan to use your hand, or want a femdom to hand spank you, you’ll need to decide on an appropriate spanking device with your partner.

BDSM Spanking Bench

The spanking bench is the “all in” BDSM spanking play. It typically is built to fulfill numerous erotic spanking desires through bondage. The spanking bench is the ultimate bondage device as it can host wrist and ankle ties.

Bondage

BDSM spanking bondage can be achieved sans a spanking bench. You can purchase formal BDSM bondage ties, or just use ropes, belts, even towels, to make sure the spankee can’t block the licks from coming into the ass.

Spanking Paddles

spanking paddle

Spanking paddles can be made at home, or some people use light chopping boards, but you can also buy real BDSM spanking paddles online.

Putting some duct tape around the spanking paddle is a way to intimidate the spankee as it gives the impression that it’s previously been broken over another spankee’s ass.

The paddle is painful and can cover most of the ass on both sides, unlike belts and hands.

Spanking Floggers

erotic bdsm flogger spanking

Floggers are BDSM spanking devices that emulate a whip. Using them results in loud sounds due to all the strands making contact with the ass and one another. But they are also easy to control spanking pain threshold with.

Spanking Belt

A belt is a spanking device that many of us wear daily. What’s unique about the belt is that because we wear it all the time, it can serve as a constant reminder to the submissive that a spanking is never far away.

If you go to a hotel, you can spank your girl with your belt. She always sees the belt around your waist and understands it is there for more than just keeping your pants up.

Hairbrush

erotic hairbrush spanking

The hairbrush spanking is incredibly popular. Hairbrushes are smaller and easier to control, allowing the spanking to occur over the knee or in tighter quarters. Given a hairbrush is smaller in size, it can be pretty painful.

Spanking In Popular Culture

Spanking can be found in various movies and television shows.

Without question, the most popular television spanking scene happens between Maggie Gyllenhaal and James Spader in Secretary. The scene sneaks up on you. Spader asks Gyllenhaal, his secretary, to bend over his desk and read a letter regarding her mistakes. He then hand spanks her firmly and the two look naturally taken back. This leads to Spader dominating her through the rest of the movie.

It’s a perfect erotic spanking scene.

In a Dangerous Method, a doctor, played by Michael Fassbender, spanks his patient, played by Kira Knightly. Just the idea of spanking Kiera Knightly is a massive turn on.

In Alias, Jennifer Garner plays a dominatrix as her cover. In terms of femdom fantasies, Jennifer Garner is stunning, provocative, and most certainly, in control as she holds her flogger.

The most popular and obvious, of course, is 50 Shades of Grey. In one scene, Grey spanks her incredibly hard and she leaves distressed.

Final Recap On BDSM Erotic Spanking

Sometimes spanking is merely a sexual kink. Other times, it’s a full-on BDSM play. No matter, spanking is always knocking at the door of BDSM as a total experience.

Erotic spanking should be pleasurable for both the spanker and the spankee. Spanking devices can help accelerate the experience and delve deeper into BDSM.

Communication in any BDSM act, including spanking, is important. Safe words and boundaries matter and make the experience more fun for everyone.

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