BDSM Dating Tips: What Subs and Dominants Must Know

bdsm dating tips

That first BDSM dating experience can be rough waters. You don’t know her on “that” level yet. You probably only know that she’s supposedly into the same things you are. That’s because you met her on Free BDSM dating. So yeah, it makes sense she’d be down for being a submissive.

But that’s the extent. There is only so much information you can divulge from a week’s worth of communications. When the time for the first BDSM date comes, will you be ready?

 

BDSM Dating Safety: Make It The Priority

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Sometimes, the BDSM culture parades itself as unreasonably safe. The mirage spawns from our internal feelings that we’ve thwarted those with malice intentions by announcing our desire for abuse. In other words, who wants to harm who says they enjoy being harmed?

But that’s the issue exactly. You can’t know what is in someone’s deluded mind. If you’re the guy, odds are, you are in a safer position pending your into submissive girls. But if you’re into gay BDSM, that might not be the case.

Always meet for the first time in a public space. And make it known that safety for you and them is priority. This alone can help stave off those who may have nefarious intentions. If they know you’re paying attention, it often causes them to move on to less attentive prey.

For a girl as a sub, safety protocol stands as the primary concern. You must be safety oriented before becoming a submissive. This is imperative.

If you’re the dominant male, remember, your new submissive needs to understand that your into safety protocols. She needs clarification on all your BDSM positions. So begin the date as an open and transparent dominant. Establish that communication is the priority.

Be Lively, If Appropriate

You new submissive sits across from you nervously. It’s best to break the tension with some humor, but only if it seems to be accepted.

What I mean is, break the ice with some flirting and good old fashioned joking to lighten the mood and ease your sub’s tension. Unless, of course, your sub feels that such lightheartedness dims the mood.

You have to read the situation. Understand, most of the time, a first BDSM date is just a first date. And with first dates come unhinged nerves. Any new social encounter offers apprehension. Often, we think of all BDSM dates as strong willed. I mean, what weak person signs up for spankings and whippings? Well, it turns out, some subs enjoy pain, but shy away from social situations.

This is why sometimes, breaking the ice with a fun personality can help a first BDSM date thrive. It can put a sub at ease and allow her to develop comfort with you. Remember, she may be tied up soon, she needs to trust you.

Talk BDSM Boundaries

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I shouldn’t have to write this. But I do. Because sadly, establishing BDSM boundaries falls short more than it should.

BDSM, as a sexual philosophy and culture, only thrives when boundaries are understood by all parties.

If a sub fails to convey her boundaries to her dominant, things go awry.

If you met her on a BDSM dating site, there is no reason to shy away from such important talk. Your ability to establish boundaries with your sub conveys transparency and indicates your match qualities.

Sure, she checked the boxes on Free BDSM Dating. But that’s not enough. You need to hear the words or see the words written.

Boundaries help us enjoy BDSM as a fetish. Don’t look past them.

Don’t Rush

You don’t have to fly by the seat of your leather pants as soon as you meet your sub. Sometimes, it makes sense to take time and connect.

I certainly don’t want Free BDSM Dating to feel like a mainstream fraud fetish site. We are more than just a category among 100s. Our focus on BDSM dating as a whole is unrivaled. But dating in the world of fetish certainly can be challenging. Just because we’ve removed on challenge, doesn’t mean others don’t exist.

Sometimes, taking it slow helps to create a long-term, fantasy filled BDSM experience.

Hey, you might hit it off immediately. That’s great. Only you and her can know which sparks are lit the brightest. But don’t feel like its a fail if things take time. Allow you and your sub’s relationship to simmer and brew if need be.

Read Your Sub’s Kinky Meter

You established boundaries. Or, we hope you did.

But boundaries are restrictions. Once they are established, you and your sub will turn the focus on what you enjoy.

This is the fun part.

Communicate with your new sub with the goal of establishing her kinky meter. What parts of BDSM turn her on? What’s she into trying? This is the part of the BDSM dating experience that looks towards a positive, fulfilling fetish future.

Conversations disclose deeper thoughts and experimental ambitions. This is why communication will always be the rock in any dating scenario. The more you communicate, the more you learn.

Conclusion

When it comes to BDSM dating, your safety is the primary concern. Establish communications and talk boundaries. Get to know your new sub. Through communication, help put your new sub at ease. Read your new sub’s kinky meter and relay what you enjoy.

Oh, and have fun!

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